dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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