Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
