this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
