ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
