i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
