not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
