I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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