There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
