new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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