There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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