I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Randomize
