i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
