Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
