The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
