No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
