No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
