now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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