i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
