I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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