So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
