You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
