It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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