margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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