I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
