Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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