he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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