He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
