he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
