Who wears a wallet chain?!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
