You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
