I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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