One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
