The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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