were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
