Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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