I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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