he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
