This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
