He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
