Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
