There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize