I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
