his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
