you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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