At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize