So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
