Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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