i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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