Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
