Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
