Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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