The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize