Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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