can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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