he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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