anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
