He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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