Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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