You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
