I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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