Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm passing your future prison.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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