I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
