I am in a vortex of obligation.
I am spending my child support on dildos
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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