my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
