So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
