yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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