she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
