Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
