At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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