Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
