so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you didnt know i had herpes?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
