I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize