Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
