the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
